Net Call

People often ask me how I prepare for Wimbledon finals. Here's an exclusive...

 

 

Hot Under The Collar

It's takes a lot to get me hot under the collar, well I would be if I hadn't managed to remove it 11 years ago and threatened the 'claw' if it should ever return.

But the BBC has got me angry enough to make another complaint. So here it is...

Horizon: The Secret Life of the Cat

Transmission date: 13/06/2013

Complaint title:

Privacy complaint

Complaint description:

I must object to this programme which in the light of the recent privacy revelations appears to be a cynical exercise in snooping purely to boost your ratings by showing cute kitty cats going about their lawful business.

 

It's difficult enough hiding mice, leaving "presents" and stealing neighbouring felines food by sneaking through their catflap undetected without you broadcasting it to the nation for all to see.

 

Meow,

 

Matilda The Cat Σ:X)

Food fight

I'm getting increasingly unhappy with the quality of food on offer.

Cat food. I ask you!

Prawns, tuna and mussels... or I'll claw you!

[Although duck flavoured Dreamies will get you off the hook!]

Bon Anniversaire

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to Tildy
Happy birthday to me

There better be some treats tonight or it will be me who is the one leaving presents!

Matildamas

I'm pleased to see that they've finally decided to have a day of celebration for my birthday.

Tins of tuna to the usual address!

I'm Fur-ever Throwing-up Furballs...

....pretty furballs full of hair.

I'm beginning to think that a cat only gets attention around here when they threaten to cough up a big furball!

What a pilchard...

Every once in a while some silly person tries to make themselves sound clever by pointing out that 'God' is 'dog' spelled backwards.

What I can't work out is why you have failed to grasp is that the actual name of the real Supreme Being is Tac!